"Can you try that again? This time without stomping your feet or yelling."
"Jessie, I have never tried chocolate pudding and pickles. That doesn't sound yummy to me."
"I don't know why the chicken crossed the road." (She's into jokes, right now.)
Recently, I was in the kitchen peeling a apple for Jessie when our conversation somehow turned to dying. I don't know how it came about. I remember saying, "When mommy dies she will go to heaven to be with Jesus, because I believe that Jesus is living inside of me. He changed my heart." To this response, Jessie asked,
"Where do you go if you don't believe in Jesus?"
I was dumbstruck by her question. Here we were in the middle of the kitchen, eating an apple. Tali was clawing at my leg, hoping to have something to eat. The kitchen is a mess. I'm pretty sure the dog was nearby hoping that something would drop to the floor. And this is the time that God provided for me an opportunity to speak the gospel into my daughter's life. My answer was brief,
"If we don't believe in Jesus when we die we will be forever separated from God. It is a terrible place. Without Jesus there is nothing, no happiness. Only with Jesus, can we be truly happy."
I got to spend another minute talking about heaven; it's better than Disneyland, no pain or sadness, no owies. Which then led the conversation to the scrape on her arm that God healed. And then she was off again. It was a two, maybe three minute conversation.
So often I try to have gospel oriented conversations on my time with Jessie. This happens in the middle of correcting or disciplining. I try to be intentional during our Bible reading at night, but I forget that it is the middle of the busyness of life that the most meaningful conversations occur. I can't plan everything. I just have to be ready, with the gospel on my tongue. "Always being prepared to give a defense for the hope that is in you" (1 Peter 3:15).
This little conversation in our kitchen gave me hope. She is listening. She is taking in all that I am trying to impart. She is trying to figure out her world. And I get the privilege of sharing the gospel over and over. I felt inspired to keeping going. It's hard to not give up in the middle of tantrums, anger, lack of sleep, messiness. I felt encouraged. Her little heart and mind is listening to what I say. Even if I don't see it, and it seems like my words are bouncing off, there is something at work.
I also felt the conviction to be in the Word more. I need to be prepared. I need to continually fill myself up. So that I can overflow onto my children. What answers can I give if I'm not in tune with the Spirit? The more time I spend in the Word and praying, the better mom I will be to my girls. I want to prepare myself for the next Jesus conversation. Maybe it will happen on our walk, or in the bathroom, or the grocery store, or snuggled up on the couch. I can't wait!
