Are the rules still the same?

My mom likes to tell me that children wake up asking the same question:

"Are the rules still the same?"

Normally when Jessie wakes up in the morning, she likes to test the rules. No, you can't yell at mommy. No, you can't kick your feet in anger because I offered you cereal. No, you can't stay in your pajamas all day. Our mornings tend to start off rough. I've never met a child who wakes up as angry and irritable as Jessie. After an hour or so, her mood improves and we can go about life without much frustration.

However..... recently she has been challenging me throughout the day. I know it's a phase. It's a battle of wills, of sorts. And it's exhausting. The constant redirection and discipline is simply not easy. It's draining. By the time the afternoon nap arrives, I want to scream out 'hallelujah!'

I find that as Jessie wears me down, it becomes easier for me to lose self control. I want to get frustrated because she's frustrated. Then the little things, that normally wouldn't bug me, become HUGE issues. My responses are not examples of kindness and respect, that I want her to follow. I have to follow the same advice I give her.

In fact, she will often call me out.

"Mommy, you need to have self control. We should pray and ask God to change our hearts."

Honestly, most of the time when she calls me out, I feel irritated. I don't want her to point out my sin! I want to be the one pointing out sin. Even in the middle of my discipline of my stubborn daughter, my sin is exposed.

If there's one thing I've learned so far as a mom, it is that children are huge tool in sanctification. I knew that being a mom would be that I would be spending the majority of my time training my children up. However, I didn't realize how much of motherhood would be spent on my sin being called out.

I need Jesus just as much as Jessie does.

I forget at times. When I see Jessie kicking her feet, yelling, tears streaming down her face, her heart in complete rebellion towards me and God, I should see myself. I do that. I get pissed when things don't go my way. I don't always want to do what God says I should. I get angry. I cry. I've stopped the foot stomping thing, but my heart is just like Jessie's. I need Jesus.

With each tantrum I get the opportunity to share grace with my daughter. I understand her frustration. I understand having a hard heart that needs to change. I get to share the good news. Jesus came to change hard hearts. He can do it! We can't! We need Jesus. As I teach and reproof, I am pointing Jessie back to the God whom she desperately needs, and so do I.