I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are

They tell us from the time we're young

To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves

Inside ourselves

I know I'm not the only on who spent so long attempting to be someone else

Well I'm over it

I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are

I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are

So What

So What

So What

'Secrets' by Mary Lambert

I heard this song the other day. And it resonated with me. I, like everyone else, puts on a facade of perceived perfection. Facebook is fantastic for this sort of thing. It's mostly about the good stuff going on in our lives. And if you're like me, it can set you up to feel like you're the only one with garbage going on in your life. 

I've always been a pretty open and honest person. And I'm always drawn to people with a truthful air about them. They will tell me like it is. I don't like fake. I can't stand pretense. Just be straight with me. It is with these people that I feel no judgement about the "secrets" or "garbage" in my life. They know who I am and are supporting me through it. 

Unfortunately, for most of my life those supportive friends weren't found in the church. I can't thank God enough for the supportive, open church community that I have now. But it hasn't always been this way. And looking around at other churches and believers, I see this insane wall of perceived perfection. We don't want people to know what are secrets are.

Christians, above all people, should be open about themselves. They should share their struggles. Be honest about where they are, where they came from, and where God is taking them! We should be the ones singing about secrets!!  Why? Because we were bought for a price, covered in Christ's blood, given grace and forgiveness, redeemed, and there is no longer condemnation. 

The mistakes I've made, the pain I am in, the brokenness in my life, is just another opportunity to share what God has done, and is doing. 

Here are some of my secrets: 

This past year I have struggled with depression and debilitating back pain. I have questioned God and his goodness. It has been filled with tears, anger, and exhaustion. 

I have broken relationships with some friends and family.

I have body weight issues. I probably should lose 30 more pounds, and I have acne. See the no make up picture below!

I lied to my parents for five years about a relationship that I was in.

I struggle with excessive worrying, and have so since I was a young child.

This is the truth. And yes, there's more. I'm not going to lay it all out in this post.

The point is that it's ok to not be perfect. It's ok to have messy lives. God isn't expecting us to be perfect. Quite the opposite, in fact. He came to save the dirty, mess up people. And it doesn't stop just because you're saved. That's the whole point of sanctification. 

I'm not going to try and stay in my mess, or be proud of it. What I am going to do is be honest about where am I at, and what I have done. So that I can say, 'I've been there. Let me tell you about how God got me through."

Perhaps if we were more honest and humble, then people wouldn't be as turned off by Christians. It wouldn't be so scary to enter a church. And most importantly, God would get the glory He deserves for change that is happening in our lives. God is in the business of taking broken, messy, terrible people and changing them into something beautiful. He does the work. 

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Don't expect me to pretend. I've got a list of issues. But I've got a God who is bigger. He can. I can't. He refines. I am the clay. It's my responsibility to reflect His work, not pretend there wasn't work to be done.

I want to be honest. It might take awhile to break the bad habit of perceived perfection. So if you want to know how God has been redeeming me, just ask. I'll tell you the truth.