I've got the best husband..... hands down.

I love my husband. He is my first and only boyfriend. We've been a couple for almost 11 years; married 5 1/2. We've had our ups and downs. The man I married isn't the same person. He's better. God has changed him and made him a better leader. He truly is a great husband.

Sometimes I don't see it. I get focused on the 20% of the things I would like to see changed, instead of focusing and being grateful for the 80% that is amazing! I was convicted about this earlier this month. My attitude towards my husband wasn't full of grace or understanding. I wanted things to change. And I didn't want to wait. And I definitely didn't want to think my attitude had something to do with the problem. 

Yeah, it did. I realized my sinful heart. I needed to focus on the amazing things my husband does and is. And leave the rest in God's hands. God softened my heart. It was a hard pill to swallow. Discipline always hurts. But it is good.

Now, I'm in a position of utter helplessness. I HATE feeling helpless. I HATE asking for help. I HATE knowing that I can't do my "job". My husband is having to play the role of mom and dad; change diapers, give bottles, put both girls to bed, get up in the middle of the night to soothe Tali, go to work, pay bills, and even help his wife take a bath because I can't on my own. I had to let my husband wash my hair. He has to hold me with each step I take. I am not the strong person I normally am. 

You want to see a servant? Look at my husband. When I was bawling at the ER, he stroked my hair and prayed over me. When he got my prescriptions, he also bought me chocolate. (Because if Valium and Percoset can't help the pain, chocolate can.) He has taken both girls home over the weekend so that my parents can get a good night's sleep. And there haven't been any complaints at all. Actually, I've been scolded more than anything to stop trying to do things and just let it go.

This is just the beginning. If I have surgery soon, I won't be able to bend, twist, or lift anything for several weeks. I'll be on my back, completely incapacitated. He will have to continue serving his wife and family; like Christ did for his church, the bride. I love my husband. And I know he loves me by his actions. I see Jesus in Kim. I can't thank God enough. 

This is the real stuff of life. This is real marriage. It's hard. It can be heartbreaking. I know my husband is desperate for me to feel better. But this real, hard, aching, frustrating, stuff of life makes me love my husband even more. I know he loves me. And I love him.